Reasons Behind Third Person Self-Reference
Have you ever caught yourself referring to yourself by your own name or using “he,” “she,” or “they” instead of “I” or “me”? Maybe you’ve thought, “John needs to relax,” instead of “I need to relax.” This habit, speaking about yourself in the third person, might seem quirky or insignificant, but it can reveal underlying thought processes and coping mechanisms. Understanding why you might be stuck in third person is the first step toward finding a more authentic and connected way of communicating and relating to yourself and the world around you. This article will delve into the potential reasons behind this behavior and offer practical strategies for breaking free from the third-person perspective and embracing a more direct and personal way of expressing yourself.
Speaking in the third person about oneself is often a complex behavior that is rooted in a desire to protect self-esteem, distance oneself from emotions, or create a persona and may be overcome with self-awareness and deliberate practice.
One of the most common reasons people refer to themselves in the third person is to create psychological distance. It’s a way to detach from intense feelings, especially those that are difficult or overwhelming. Imagine someone who’s just experienced a setback at work. Instead of saying, “I feel like a failure,” they might say, “Sarah needs to get it together” or “He shouldn’t let it get to him” This creates a buffer between the person and the raw emotion, making it feel more manageable. This form of emotional detachment is a coping mechanism, often employed when dealing with anxiety, stress, or even past trauma. The third-person perspective allows them to observe their situation from a seemingly objective viewpoint, reducing the intensity of the emotional impact. It’s like watching a scene in a movie rather than living it.
Another significant reason for speaking in the third person is persona creation. In this case, individuals consciously use it to craft a specific image, particularly in public settings or within online communities. Think of athletes who refer to themselves in the third person during interviews, building their brand and reinforcing a particular persona. Similarly, entertainers or online influencers often use this technique to project an image of confidence or authority. The famous example is “The Rock,” who consistently refers to himself as “The Rock” in promotional material. While this can be a powerful tool for branding and self-promotion, it also carries the risk of inflated ego or narcissistic tendencies, especially if the persona overshadows the individual’s authentic self. It can become difficult to separate the curated image from the reality, leading to disconnection from genuine emotions and experiences.
Sometimes, people use third person self-reference as a form of self-soothing or encouragement. It’s like giving advice to a friend, but the friend is yourself. Imagine someone facing a daunting task. Instead of thinking, “I can do this,” they might say, “She can do this!” or “He’s got this!” This can feel more comforting and motivating than directing the encouragement inward. It’s a form of external validation even if the validation is coming from within. However, while this can be helpful in the short term, it can also become a maladaptive coping strategy. Relying on externalized encouragement might prevent you from developing a strong internal sense of self-efficacy and resilience. You become dependent on talking to yourself in the third person to feel motivated, rather than developing intrinsic motivation.
It’s also important to acknowledge that sometimes speaking in the third person is simply a form of humor or playfulness. It can be used to create a lighthearted atmosphere, to be silly, or to poke fun at oneself. This usage is usually easy to distinguish from the more serious underlying causes. If someone uses the third person in a joking manner and it feels natural and appropriate within the context, it’s unlikely to be a sign of a deeper issue. The key is to discern the intention behind the usage. Is it being used to avoid emotions or to create a distance, or is it simply a way to lighten the mood?
In some instances, frequently using third person self reference may be a symptom of an underlying mental health condition, though this is much less common. These include Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder, Schizophrenia, and Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder is characterized by feeling detached from one’s own body or mental processes (depersonalization) and/or feeling detached from one’s surroundings (derealization). Speaking in the third person can be a manifestation of this detachment, reinforcing the feeling of not being fully present in one’s own body.
Schizophrenia is a complex disorder that can manifest in a variety of ways, including disorganized speech and thought patterns. While not a primary symptom, some individuals with schizophrenia may refer to themselves in the third person as part of their disorganized thought processes.
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly known as multiple personality disorder, involves the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states. In such cases, different identities may refer to the original person, or other identities, in the third person.
It is also worth noting that third person self reference could also be a learned behavior picked up from others, particularly within certain subcultures, families, or even through exposure to popular media. If someone grows up around individuals who frequently use the third person, they may unconsciously adopt the habit themselves.
Potential Drawbacks to the Habit
While there might be perceived benefits to occasionally using third person self reference, there are also potential downsides to consider. For instance, consistently distancing yourself from your feelings can make it difficult to connect with others on a genuine level. Intimacy requires vulnerability and the willingness to share your authentic self. Creating a barrier through third-person language hinders the ability to fully express your emotions and experiences, making it harder to build strong, meaningful relationships.
Moreover, speaking in the third person can sometimes be perceived as arrogant or detached, potentially leading to misunderstandings and social isolation. People may interpret it as a sign of self-importance or a lack of empathy, which can create distance and prevent genuine connection. It is important to be mindful of how your words might be perceived by others.
Using the third person can hinder self-reflection and personal growth. By distancing yourself from your emotions and experiences, you may avoid confronting difficult truths about yourself. It is hard to improve if you are never willing to look internally. It’s important to allow yourself to be vulnerable and honest, in order to learn and grow.
Speaking in the third person can also reinforce negative thought patterns. By creating an “other” to criticize or judge, you may solidify negative self-perceptions. If you are constantly referring to yourself in the third person while criticizing your own actions, you are essentially creating a separate entity to blame. This can perpetuate a cycle of negative self-talk and prevent you from developing self-compassion and acceptance.
Strategies for Breaking the Habit
Breaking the habit of speaking in the third person requires self-awareness, understanding, and conscious effort. The first step is to become aware of when you’re doing it. Pay attention to your speech patterns and actively listen to yourself throughout the day. Keep a journal or record yourself speaking to identify instances where you use the third person. Once you become more aware, you can start to identify the triggers that lead to this behavior.
Ask yourself: What situations, emotions, or environments tend to trigger you to speak in the third person? Are you more likely to do it when you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed? Understanding the triggers will help you anticipate and address them more effectively.
One of the most effective strategies is to consciously substitute “I” or “me” for the third-person reference. This requires a deliberate effort to change your language patterns. Start by practicing in low-pressure situations, such as when you’re alone or with close friends. Gradually extend the practice to more challenging situations, such as during meetings or public speaking engagements.
Mindfulness and grounding techniques can also be helpful. These techniques can help you stay present in the moment and connect with your feelings. Practicing deep breathing, meditation, or simply paying attention to your senses can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions without getting overwhelmed. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or disconnected, try grounding yourself by focusing on your physical sensations, such as the feeling of your feet on the ground or the texture of your clothes.
If the habit is deeply ingrained, causing significant distress, or linked to underlying mental health issues, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor is recommended. A therapist can help you explore the root causes of your behavior and develop healthier coping strategies. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help identify and change negative thought patterns that contribute to the habit. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can teach emotional regulation and coping skills, which can reduce the need for detachment. Psychodynamic Therapy can explore past experiences and underlying emotional issues that may be contributing to the behavior.
Conclusion
Speaking in the third person about oneself is a complex habit that can stem from various underlying reasons, including psychological distance, persona creation, self-soothing, and even humor. While it might seem harmless, it can also have potential downsides, such as hindering genuine connection, creating perceptions of arrogance, and preventing self-reflection. The good news is that it’s a behavior that can be changed with self-awareness, understanding, and consistent effort.
By identifying your triggers, consciously substituting “I” for the third-person, practicing mindfulness, and seeking professional help when needed, you can break free from the third-person perspective and embrace a more authentic and connected way of expressing yourself. Remember that change takes time and patience, so be kind to yourself throughout the process. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and celebrate your progress along the way. The goal is to develop a stronger connection with yourself and others, fostering healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.
As a final takeaway, reflect on your usage of the third person. Where, when, and why are you using it? With intentional practice, you can reframe your self-perception and connect more genuinely with others. Remember, you deserve to speak about yourself in a way that is both authentic and empowering.
